Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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