Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
