you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
