and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
