even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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