WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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