i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
