On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
