yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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