i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
