I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
