so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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