she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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