What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
