i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
