i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
