never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
