So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
