just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
