my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
