Im at strip club and am horny
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
