my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
