My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
