The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
