I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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