People in love make me want to vomit
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
