My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm at about main and main street
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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