I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
