I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
