I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
