her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
