the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
