WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
