i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
