When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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