erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I look better un-naked...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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