Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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