drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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