it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
