Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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