Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
