3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
