I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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