The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He shit in the fireplace
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
