based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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