Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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