i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
