Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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