cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
