I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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